The Smiley Bandit

How many times have you been having a discussion on an internet forum when this happens?

Cat Caddy | Smilies

This is a huge pet peeve to a lot of people (and rightly so, because the perpetrator is being a backhanded little dick and they know it) but there are times when you just want to call someone on it so badly and you can’t because doing so will initiate a fucking meltdown. But how infuriating is it when someone does this while you’re trying to have a serious conversation, and things start getting a little heated? There’s always some visionary who comes out with this tactic:

I’m being a total asshole right now, but since I’m littering my response with platitudes and smileys it makes you look like a bigger dick for being infuriated by it! Heehee! 🙂

Even better, in spiritual communities there’s always a person who comes along, dumps some words of wisdom like, “Your anger just proves how in the ego you are,” and steps back to watch the fallout. For those who don’t know, ego is the spiritualist’s black plague. It is very bad and you should try not to have one. So dropping this little turd in the conversation is the perfect way to invalidate whoever was speaking and anyone who might have been feeling legitimately angry over what a douche the smiley assassin is being.

Spiritualists have this weird idea that you can’t ever get angry. Like you have to be serene all the time. And if someone catches you with your pants down and says something that sets you off, you can come back later and save a little face by accusing everyone else of being full of ego and letting Earthly concepts entangle them in attachments. These are some of the most frustrating people to get in an argument with, because they will invalidate you every step of the way when they are losing by pretending that you’re losing Spirit Cred by being in any way frustrated with their passive-aggressive attempts to communicate. All while being incredibly passive-aggressive! Lol! 🙂

Sometimes you do get so sick of it that you venture to call them on it. Hey look, pal, I can see right through your bullshit. You’re being about as serene and enlightened as a broken dish right now. Give it up and drop the stupid veneer of niceness you think you’re tricking everyone into buying. And what do they say? Oh what, these? I was putting them in because I’m genuinely smiling! What’s wrong? You couldn’t possibly be offended by what I’m saying, could you?

Even better when the person in question is clearly seething as they type. You can practically hear their teeth cracking as they enter each platitude, each back-handed observation, each fucking grin. But when you try to get them to be honest about their frustration and just argue the point directly?

What? I was just being friendly!

Fuck your smilies.