I have a thing about swearing.
When I was little, swearing was such a common occurrence that I grew up thinking the words Jesus Christ, said together, were synonymous with goddamn. It took me years to learn that was actually just his name. Sure, as a kid, I wasn’t allowed to swear, but it’s safe to say I grew up very comfortable with the concept.
So I have to say, it really bugs me when people try to swear without swearing.
Now, I’m not saying I think everyone should go around saying, “You cock-drinking fuck son of a bitch!” But if you find yourself saying things like, “This gosh-dang thing is giving me a heck of a time!” maybe you shouldn’t be swearing.
Seriously. If you can’t say it without offending yourself, why pretend to say it? Why say shoot instead of shit when they mean the same thing? Why say darn when what you really mean is damn? And for the love of god, why was the word hecka even invented? Is hella really that strong of a word?
I can’t help it. I think adults who use soft-expletives outside of situations that require polite language are being kind of immature. Again, it’s not that I’m pro-swearing (fuck yes I am!). I’m just anti-pretend swearing. It sounds fucking stupid to listen to someone try to rearrange their sentences to show how golly-gosh-frustrated they are, as if they might offend their own delicate sensibilities or a five year old might suddenly materialize in front of them. Please.
If you want to argue that swearing is unimaginative and creative types can find better ways to express themselves, why don’t you get creative then? How about using entirely new words as expletives instead of taking a pre-existing one and just changing one letter? Sure, duck is harmless sounding. But everyone knows you really mean