The F Word

Cat Caddy | The F Word

I have a thing about swearing.

When I was little, swearing was such a common occurrence that I grew up thinking the words Jesus Christ, said together, were synonymous with goddamn. It took me years to learn that was actually just his name. Sure, as a kid, I wasn’t allowed to swear, but it’s safe to say I grew up very comfortable with the concept.

So I have to say, it really bugs me when people try to swear without swearing.

Now, I’m not saying I think everyone should go around saying, “You cock-drinking fuck son of a bitch!” But if you find yourself saying things like, “This gosh-dang thing is giving me a heck of a time!” maybe you shouldn’t be swearing.

Seriously. If you can’t say it without offending yourself, why pretend to say it? Why say shoot instead of shit when they mean the same thing? Why say darn when what you really mean is damn? And for the love of god, why was the word hecka even invented? Is hella really that strong of a word?

I can’t help it. I think adults who use soft-expletives outside of situations that require polite language are being kind of immature. Again, it’s not that I’m pro-swearing (fuck yes I am!). I’m just anti-pretend swearing. It sounds fucking stupid to listen to someone try to rearrange their sentences to show how golly-gosh-frustrated they are, as if they might offend their own delicate sensibilities or a five year old might suddenly materialize in front of them. Please.

If you want to argue that swearing is unimaginative and creative types can find better ways to express themselves, why don’t you get creative then? How about using entirely new words as expletives instead of taking a pre-existing one and just changing one letter? Sure, duck is harmless sounding. But everyone knows you really mean

FUCK.

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9 thoughts on “The F Word

  1. Hahaha! I love Irleand because -surprisingly – I can curse like the sailor I never was and no one cares. Even in the office. Loooveee it! I also think its hilarious when people assume that because I’m American, I might get offended and they try to censor themselves. Usually not golly-gosh-gee-whiz but more a definite…pause…where the right word should go. I usually grin and offer up, ‘cuntish? fucknugget? Whaaaat?’

    However when I worked retail I would say Sheboygan or Shinola when I started to say shit. Custys need pandering to as much as I needed the job.

    My mother wouldn’t even say pee. I am in a total state of rebellion and love it. 🙂

  2. Oh. I still have your page open from last night so I have something to add – my mom was creative with her cursing: fart was too risqué for her and there wasn’t another word that suited, so she invented traf. Fart, backward. Imagine going to school and saying that someone trafted and NOONE knew what the hell you meant…

    • Hahahaha! I was beginning to wonder what your mother said instead of pee as well. That is pretty funny! When I was really little, the word I heard used for fart was pooterfart, which when I got a little older I stopped ever hearing. And saying.

      And yeah, I know what you mean about finding yourself swearing in the wrong place and being like “Oh shiiiiilook at these pretty flowers!”

      That’s so cool about Ireland being more relaxed about the whole thing! People have to adjust to my preferred level of language, it seems. But I figured…unless I really have to censor, I might as well just be honest!

  3. It’s funny when I swear because I look like the typical “good girl” and people give me the most bewildered looks when cuss words come out of my mouth. That said I do try to avoid too much swearing by coming up with more interesting ways to express myself. I like to say “curses!” in an old style movie villain voice and “fiddlesticks” is always a favorite of mine just because it sounds silly. Last time I dropped something at work in front of customers and co-workers instead of letting loose a string of well deserved cuss words I said “Curses! Foiled again by my arch-nemesis….GRAVITY!”

    Love you comics btw 🙂

    • Aww, thank you!

      And yeah, I got that same thing too for a couple years! People would be like oh my God you’re swearing? Good, innocent, wholesome little you?! Showed them, didn’t I?

      Haha, curses!

  4. guilty. i keep on using shoot instead of shit because majority of the Christians here don’t wanna hear it. They just don’t understand. I mean, what’s wrong with “shit”?

  5. Love this and I totally agree! I got in trouble in high school for saying “fudge” because my teacher said that everyone knew what I was referring to so I sighed and said, “O thank god, so I just fuck then?” The room laughed but my teacher wasn’t too happy haha. Love your comics, and I can really relate to them.

    • Thank you so much! I’m really glad to hear that! 🙂

      Also, that is really funny. I can’t believe you got in trouble for saying “fudge” though. That is pretty weak!

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